Some, if not most, of life’s most pivotal moments happen without an audience. No one to see. No one to listen, care or applaud. A life completely wrecked, transformed, and the world keeps spinning. The moment passes. Life goes on, forever impacted.
These moments, invisible earthquakes of the heart, leave one feeling alone staring at the rubble of their life, wondering what it looks like to rebuild. You live in the invisible wreckage. Meanwhile, there’s a world full of people oblivious to the natural disaster of the heart.
But one sees. One knows. One is there in the dirt where you stand.
Last year I spent months reliving the past, feeling entirely unknown in the silent earthquakes of my own life. It ate at me to know that no one would ever live those moments and understand the implications. No one saw the moments that shaped me, the moments that made me who I am now.
I poured this out to a friend who prayed a Spirit-prayer about how God was WITH me in the darkest moments of my past. He was WITH me in the dirt. Not just looking down on me from above, but holding me in the mess, wiping the tears, promising hope. These Truths washed the gift of Immanuel over me in an entirely new way.
Realizing Jesus was in those moments, seeing me, feeling what I felt, changed the weight of them. Suddenly I didn’t carry the memories alone. I wasn’t alone then for His eyes were upon me. His eyes are upon you too.
He is there in the dust as you cut your flesh deep and the unspoken pain runs red into His pierced hands.
He sits in the dust with you as you frantically try to pick up pieces of your broken heart worrying someone will see you shattered. Someone will know who you really are.
When you just want to disappear He is with you seeing you for all you are and all you will become.
He stands under the dark cloud of depression with you, providing comfort you can’t ask for, light when you can’t see.
When Loneliness and his friends seem to be your only companions, He is with you. Your truest friend.
He lays beside you as fear runs a marathon in your mind. With you in every heavy breath. Every sleepless night.
He picks you up from the dirt, declaring it enough, when it’s gone too far. He won’t let you stay in the dirt longer than you can bear.
He stands strong in the wake of tragedy, loss and trauma. Your firm foundation.
When you are left behind, everyone running ahead into new adventures, He stays to run your race with you. Promising adventures for you too.
When you are covered in the dirt of self-hate, He shows up with clean water to wash it all away and show you who you are underneath.
He shields you in the storms of change, so that you can still see His face, His constancy through it all. And when the dust settles, He will be there to rebuild and show you the way through your new terrain.
He sees you as your desires, the secret ones you hold close, sift through your fingers, turning to dirt beneath your feet. He is there to remind you what can grow in the dirt. He reminds you of the beauty that comes from ashes and the streams flowing in the deserts.
I don’t know what your dirt is, where you find yourself sitting, but He does. He knows because He is right there WITH you. Patient. Gentle. Constant.
He was there in the dirt where you stood. And He is still there in whatever dirt you now stand in. He is WITH you always, the dirtiest King you will ever see, all for the sake of your heart.
when your faith in perfect love
can’t explain the pain that you feel,
you will find you’ve looked for a sign up above
but he was there in the dirt where you stood
and there’s hope found
here and now, here within the real
in the midst of all we’ve done
all we’ve given up on
he was with us every step
feeling what we feel
when your soul was buried down
burden by the long road
and in time we will learn to grow
through and pain and into hope
for the storms they come
and swallow up the sun
but the light lives on and on