To the Girl Who Steps on the Scale…

To the girl who steps on the scale before hitting the gym. Before beating herself up for not being as fit as the girl next to her.

To the girl who steps on the scale before running until her vision goes blurry. Trying to outrun breakfast, lunch, dinner. Outrun anxiety, depression, shame.

To the girl who steps on the scale, hiding her eyes from the result. Hiding from the result because it determines whether she will have a good or bad day.

To the girl who steps on the scale, pleased with the number. Yet unpleased with the image before her.

To the girl who steps on the scale, only to burst into tears. The tears rain down because she’s never enough.

To the girl who steps on the scale, knowing she’s already failed. She’s already failed because she’s fighting an impossible battle.

To the girl who steps on the scale, before leaning over the toilet. She leans over the toilet to empty herself of all of her wrongdoing, her shame, her lack of control.

To the girl who steps on the scale to see if her comfort, her refuge, her pastime is showing on her physique. Is it showing on her hips, her thighs, her stomach? Can the world see?

To the girl who steps on the scale, knowing what she will do afterwards to cover the emotions. She covers them with sweet & salty snacks, with ooey & gooey items. Her shame dipped in chocolate. Her hopelessness and despair the icing on the cake.

To the girl who steps on the scale only to realize she is still falling short of her goal. Her goal of perfection and beauty.

To the girl who steps on the scale to see if the dress, the jeans will fit. Translated: to see if she is a failure or not, in control or not.

To the girl who steps on the scale to give her hope that one day he will give her more than a glance. To see if she is desirable, wanted, noticed.

To the girl who steps on the scale anxiously awaiting her death sentence. Will it be 6 miles, 10 miles, 300 of this or that? What will the punishment be?

To the girl who steps on the scale hoping beyond hope that it will tell her she is loved, chosen, known. Hoping that the screen will tell her she’s more loveable.

To the girl who steps on the scale, praying all the while. Praying that the earth’s gravitational pull on her mass will be less and she will therefore be more. More beautiful. More loved. More worthy.

To the girl who steps on the scale because the voice in her head says she must. She must know the numbers so she can compensate, punish, pay.

To the girl who steps on the scale futilely seeking approval. Approval from her dad, her mom, her boyfriend, her husband. Maybe if she weighed less, they would care more, stick around more, be present and invested in her. Just maybe.

To the girl who steps on the scale waiting to see the numbers. Waiting to know her worth.

To the girl who steps on the scale, I’m crying inside as I watch you. I’m hurting as I see you hurt. The disappointment on your face, the despair in your eyes and the hopelessness in the sagging of your shoulders. It all screams of your brokenness and I know your broken place all too well.

As I listen to the talk of weight gain and loss, I want to shake them, to make them see. See that the scale has no power, beyond what we give it. The scale is not a measure of anything except the gravity between you and earth. It cannot tell how funny or friendly you are. It cannot share how passionate, gifted or determined you are. Those numbers you see they are lies. They are lies from the father of lies himself. They are planted to lead you astray. They are there to make you believe you are not enough for anyone or anything. To make you believe you are too much for everyone and everything. But those lies hold no power in the Light of His Truth. So hold them up. Let His Light shine in the dark corner where you keep those lies. For His Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not, cannot, will not overcome His marvelous Light (John 1:5).

To you, you who place your worth in numbers, listen to me. You are valuable. You are more valuable than gold and jewels. You are more valuable than the comfort of the Son of both God and Man. You are more valuable than the life of the King of Kings. You were bought at a terribly, wonderfully, grace-filled cost. And you were bought, ransomed, paid for in full because you are wanted, loved, needed and desired.

To the girl who steps on the scale, please, dear girl, just step off.

 

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15 thoughts on “To the Girl Who Steps on the Scale…

  1. Slightly off topic, but on topic in a round about way:
    Have you read Carol Dweck’s book “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success”?

    She talks about the subtle ways we frame things in our minds. Either growth or fixed, I wonder if it applies, as you imply it does, to the scale when you say, “See that the scale has no power, beyond what we give it.”

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Super good.
        My thought is that the scale, just like the law of God for a former legalist, can become a tool for personal growth insofar as growth into something good, powerful, and healthy is the goal. That mindset shift, obviously, would be much harder to make for somebody with the background of abusing themselves over the readout of the scale.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I agree with you. It can be a useful tool, in the right hands. Anyone with disordered eating/thought patterns is not going to use the tool, the scale, appropriately. Thus it is best to cut it out completely (other than blind weights at the Dr.) so that is does not continue to be a cause for further issues.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That makes sense:
        The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. (Proverbs 27:12 ESV)

        From what you know, is there ever a stage wherein the disordered thoughts shift? Among alcoholics, I’ve only known one successfully move to moderate alcohol use. So I’m skeptical, but I also have a tendency to have a very positive view about what can be done.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. You are very positive about things! I think it’s possible but not likely that a previously disordered eater will ever be in a place where weighing themselves would be a good thing. Some people get to where they can see their weight at the Dr. or something and it’s fine, but honestly I don’t think regular weighing is good for ANYONE who has or has had issues with food/body-image/etc. I think it’s dangerous and unnecessary.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Gotcha.

        In general, I’m guessing, the recommendations for fitness protocols in such a case would include sight based portion control (to prevent under eating and even binging?) and fitness routines based on progression rather than calories burned.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Also, sorry for hi-jacking your post which is aimed at motivation for back and forth. Feel free to delete the conversation if it breaks the spirit of things.

        Like

  2. Oh wow, this was really good for me to hear today. I am new to your blog, but I’m glad I found it. Thank you so much for the encouragement in the fight.

    – from a fellow sister…Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

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